I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I want my life to look like. So far, my life is nuts. I’m crazy stressed about school, work, applications, scholarships, meetings, etc. I feel attacked from all sides and I don’t like it. I want to relax for a week and not worry about papers that are due, or places I have to be, or anything else. But I can’t because my whole life is devoted to school, work, and church. I honestly don’t even have enough time to do my homework anymore because I’m so busy with everything else. I hate it. Like, I actually wake up every morning and regret having to go anywhere because I’m so stressed out. My eye has been twitching non-stop for a week now, which is sign of high levels of stress, and a lack of proper sleep. I just want to cry.
I haven’t cried since last May, people. I don’t know if that’s healthy or not. Part of me is like, “Yeah, Bridget! You haven’t cried since May! You have your crap together!” But the other part of me says,”Bridget, you need to cry. All these emotions are festering up inside and you’re about to explode onto an unsuspecting person.” I am so frustrated right now and it’s driving me crazy.
Here are a few things on the list of many that are stressing me out: 1. I have papers to write. 2. I have an application to be a PAA for next year to fill out that it due in four days. 3. I can’t get scholarship recommendations because my profs “don’t know me well enough.” 4. I’m planning on switching rooms/buildings in the next week or two. 5. I have to sort out my feelings for this guy. 6. I don’t get enough sleep. 7. My classes are difficult and I don’t have enough hours in the day for homework. 8. Intervarsity is kicking my butt with all the meetings that I need to go to and things I have to do.
Basically, I have too much to do and not enough hours in the day to do it in. I won’t be getting scholarships next semester because my professors suck and I JUST WANT TO CRY! I need a hug so bad and I miss my best friend.
School is so stressful! Honestly, what if I can’t afford school next semester because my professors are being stupid?? I can’t put my life on hold for this. I don’t have time for all this crap. I just want to crawl in a hole and not come out until its over. Unfortunately, that is not an option. So here I am, stuck with no money, no job for the summer, and too much stress. If my feelings could be a string of letters, this is what it would look like: iuresdnvucncanbfjbzxlknoiuwesdgiopnvclngvbouerifojknsdgvk. Have I mentioned that I just want to cry?
Also, if the losers above my floor don’t turn off their pot-smoking music, I might actually kill someone. So there’s another stressor. Great. Now, I’m a tired, crazy, stressed out, killer. I’ll add that to my resume.
If anyone reads this, I hope your week isn’t even as close to stressful as my last month has been. Good day.
reflections 