16 Things To Know Before Dating An INFJ

Thought Catalog

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Out of 16 different personality types INFJs make the rarest combination of people to exist, which means they’re often misunderstood and dating them can be a challenging adventure. They have the greatest capacity for love and empathy within a relationship but their tendency to be extremely gullible and idealistic can create problems. Here are some things to be mindful of when dating this personality type.

1. If you’re looking for a temporary romance with them they likely won’t even bother. INFJs prefer long, lasting relationships and avoid short-term relationships if they can. Casual dating and FWB situations just don’t give them the type of deep connection they need to feel fulfilled.

2. They sometimes forget to take care of themselves. INFJs have a habit of taking care of everyone else around them before they take care of themselves. While this sounds sweet and selfless the problem comes when they realize…

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33 Weird Thoughts Every Woman Starts Having In Her Mid 20s

Thought Catalog

1. “Is it normal to hate everybody? Are the people around me insufferable or is it just me?”

2. “I don’t know why there aren’tnutrition labels on wine bottlesbut I support whatever that reason is.”

3. “So I really have no idea how to save for retirement orwhat’s best for my credit score or what the difference is between CDs or other accounts they talk about on the commercials, but I’m financially stable enough not to have to ask my dad for help, so I’m just gonna wait until that’s not the case anymore or I’ll just WikiHow everything. That’s basically the game plan.”

4. “Would what I am doing right now be called trashy in some circles? Because I’m thinking yes.”

5. “Or I can just find somebody really really rich, marry them and maintain a very happy surface level relationship and never worry about a thing again.”

6…

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Curvy Girls Are Not A Last Resort

Thought Catalog

Louie: Season 1 (Two-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo in DVD Packaging)Louie: Season 1 (Two-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo in DVD Packaging)

I have been lied to countless times, I have had my heart ripped out more than once, I have had my friends stolen from me and I have been told I was inadequate in so many ways, all by the same guy… and I still went back to him. This is the ranting of a twenty something, independent, financially stable girl who decided against every logical thought in her brain to return to the one guy who made her feel all sorts of crappy. Why? Because somewhere along the way, society told me that my only value as a girl came from the size of my jeans.

I am no size zero, heck I am not even a size ten, so when I found out a cute guy liked me the same way I liked him, I was over the moon…

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5 Ways To Be Awesomely Single

Thought Catalog

Easy AEasy A

With my wedding less than five months out, I’ve spent some time (a few really hot showers and some really long boring car rides when it wasn’t my turn to control the music anymore) reminiscing on my single years. They were fun, they were awesome, and the last few were the best. I found that sweet spot where I discovered I actually kind of liked myself, figured out the shit I didn’t really like, and decided that I was totally cool on my own.

Seriously though… I was the coolest.

 It wasn’t too terribly long, however, before my fiancé stepped in and said ‘hey, you’re awesome, I’m awesome, what do you think about being awesome together?’ Okay, he didn’t really say that, but that’s what his eyes were saying to me from across the crowded house party. I refuse to admit alcohol consumption may have played a part…

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Too Much Too Soon: Why We Need To Stop Rushing Love

James Michael Sama

I’m sure I am not the only one who browses Facebook and quite often comes across photos of engagement rings and ultrasounds and changed last names from marriages and thinks to himself: Wait, weren’t you just single?

Everything seems to move faster these days, naturally. We have instant text messages and don’t need to send letters. We can Google something and not need to go to the library. We can get to know someone much quicker because we can talk to them any time of the day rather than limiting our interactions to sporadic phone calls or seeing each other in person.

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So, it seems that it would also naturally follow that our relationships will progress faster. But the frequency of how often someone is in our life does not change our emotional capacity to develop a real lasting bond with them any quicker. We can say whatever we want…

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Grain of Sand

Here are three things I didn’t think were possible:
1. That someone could have a crush on me.
2. That someone could look me in the eye and tell me I’m beautiful and mean it.
3. That someone could love me for the rest of my life.

I want to focus on number 2 for today.

I’m not beautiful. I know that. I’m not conventionally pretty. I’m not the blonde haired, blue-eyed bombshell. I’m the dishwater brown haired, grey-eyed, mediocre-looking fat girl. I have a pretty face and that’s about it.

I know beauty isn’t about looks, at least not all of it. Some people are beautiful on the inside, too. Some people are ugly on the inside. I know I’m not ugly. I don’t really think anyone can be physically ugly. Although, I will admit, some people’s babies are hella ugly, and I feel terrible for those parents because they know…they just don’t want to face that reality. Sometimes a baby looks worse than a sack of potatoes.

So I’m not ugly. I’m not flawless. My form is imperfect. I have rolls everywhere. It’s gross and I hate it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate myself for the way I look. The truth of the matter is, I’ve always been this way. It didn’t matter how many sports I played, how often I went to the gym, what I ate for however long…I’ve always been fat. I think that’s what I hate: the fact that I’ll never be regular sized. I’d honestly be happy if I wore a size 14 jeans. But I can’t. I’d always imagine myself skinny, but my body isn’t meant to be skinny. It’s meant to be fat.

Is it even possible to feel good about one’s body anyway? I don’t think that anyone likes their body. People are always trying to lose weight, get bigger, stronger muscles, get the six-pack abs, get the pelvic “v” thing on dudes. I think it’s a losing battle. Yes, its good to go to the gym. Eating whole foods, high in nutritional vitamins and low in sodium and bad fats is good. Staying healthy is always a better life style option.

I do those things as often as I can, with being a college student on a dwindling budget. Going to the gym is hard with my class schedule and after-class schedule colliding, but I go when I have time. I do the cardio and weight lifting. I eat salads with no dressing and all the good stuff in it. I get a healthy amount of REM sleep. I drink only water. I’m losing weight. I’ve lost 16 pounds in a year. That’s it. That’s a little more than one a month. I hate that all I’ve managed to lose is 16 pounds. And I really can’t tell. Maybe it was all in my boobs or something… My pants sill fit like they used to. My shirts still fit the same. I hate it.

If I hate something about myself, I need to change it. So I am. I try to muster up enough motivation to put yoga pants on, then I have to go to the gym. It works every time. I climb the stairs up six flights every time I come into my building, no matter how heavy my backpack is.

But back to feeling beautiful. It’s hard to feel beautiful when I feel like I look like a beached whale. I don’t know if I’ll ever believe him when he tells me that he thinks I’m beautiful. I know that beauty encompasses a lot more than my physical appearance. I’m funny, sarcastic, gentle, and generally down-to-earth. I don’t have a problem with my personality, and that shows through my physical insecurities. I don’t feel so bad about myself when I remember that I can make people laugh or that people don’t care what I look like when I’m listening to their problems.

Why does life have to be a contest? Why do people do beauty pageants? If I ran against a blonde bombshell in a beauty pageant, I don’t care if her talent was baton twirling or doing a cartwheel or any other lame skill, and she was super impersonal and cold, I’d still lose. I could win over the judges, answer their questions with gusto and honest clarity, wow them with my awkward jokes or something, and have the crowd laughing along with me. I’d lose every time because I don’t look like I should.

I don’t want to have to compete with some perfect Barbie in life. I just want to be myself, my healthy, but fat, self. The reality is, I can’t. I have to work so much harder than those other girls in life. It’s easy for a pretty girl to make it in life. I have to go above and beyond, which is good, I guess. Maybe being fat makes me work harder for what I want because less people want me. If I can work harder, more efficiently, and connect with people better than the other posh Barbie, then maybe I can be more of a role model.

No woman wants her children to look up to someone who had the world handed to them. They want the women who worked hard to make it in life. They want the ones that overcame the astronomical odds stacked against them.

The world isn’t against me, per se, but they sure aren’t working with me. It’s just enough friction, enough pressure, to push me ahead, to make me work harder than other people, to make sure I get where I want to go, to make sure my dreams don’t stay dreams.

Maybe one day, I’ll be able to honestly look myself in the eyes and know I’m beautiful. Today isn’t that day. But I know that diamonds aren’t made overnight. I don’t even like diamonds… Okay, so a pearl. Pearls are just a grain of annoying sand that managed to get into the oyster…like a pebble in your shoe. It’s annoying, it hurts, and it irritates your every move. The world really is my oyster, I guess. Everything in the oyster is trying to get the nasty grain of sand out, but instead it turns into a beautiful pearl. Somehow, a grain of sand become worthy of value. We are all grains of sand, but some of us get to be pearls someday, and I hope I’m one of them. I hope you’re one of them, too. Then maybe we can end up on a string of beautiful, imperfect pearls to be worn around someone’s neck with pride.

Be beautiful, you’re own kind of beautiful. Be yourself, your best self. Be the pearl, but not the fake pearl; be the real one, with perfect imperfections.

Beautiful Chaos

Life is a constant battle. If you aren’t climbing up one mountain, with steep ridges, rocks, landslides, and the occasional mountain goat, you’re falling down the other side, landing on every sharp edge, bouncing and crashing your way down, taking a lot of dirt with you. When you get to the bottom, all beat up, exhausted and broken, it’s time to climb back up again.

Why is life like that? Isn’t there something better than a constant pain and excruciatingly hard work?

I’m climbing up that mountain. My legs are like rubber, I’m thirsty, and in need of a restful sleep. The journey, so far has been tough. I’ve had to brave through a lot of rough terrain. There were the steps that I thought were safe, only to find out I couldn’t trust them, as they fell beneath my feet. There were the roots shooting up from the ground, presenting themselves as safe to grab hold of for support as I pulled myself higher, only to rip themselves from the earth and make me stumble. There were rabid animals in pursuit of my happiness, stealing my breath as I run to get away from them. I was beat. Looking up the mountain, there was so much farther to climb.

I honestly didn’t know if I could make it any farther, but I knew the way down would be nearly as bad as the way up, so I kept going. It was hard, but I made it to the top, past the treeline, where all I could see were rolling hills and trees for miles. The colors of fall shone so brightly that day. I was on top of the world. Was this what life was meant to look like? So beautiful, liberating, and refreshing? I take a deep breath and my lung caves in. I look down at my legs and arms, beat up, scratched, bruised, cut, bleeding, and infected. There is no hope in the world. Life isn’t beautiful. Earth is beautiful. Life is a mess, my life is a mess, and nothing good could ever come of it.

With my spirit crushed, I make my way down the other side of the mountain. It becomes darker as the trees begin to cover my sunlight. I’m getting cold. This is the way my life goes. Beauty only exists outside of my being and I had to come to terms with that. I can’t feel my legs anymore. I’m beginning to stumble, slip, trip, and fall. I step on a rock wrong, fall, and roll twenty feet down the hill, landing on thorns, nettles, and sharp rocks as I go. I lay on the ground, eyes closed tight, wishing I could die right there, beneath the trees, among the dirt and water puddles. I muster up enough strength to open my eyes and I turn my head to the side. I find a tiny, but strong sapling, sprouting from the ground. The ray of sunlight is hitting it just right and the rain from the night before is helping it grow. Something in the little sapling makes me remember how awe-inspiring looking out at the range was. Someday, with the right conditions, that little sapling will grow into a large pine, towering over the other trees.

I am the sapling. Right now, I am weak. Any force of nature that could destroy the sapling could destroy me as well. But the conditions this sapling had would make it grow big and strong. And someday, years and years down the road, when I climbed that mountain again, I’d remember how small that tree was. I needed the right conditions, too. Sure, I was beat up, bruised, and broken, but I’d heal stronger than I was before. The journey
I had been on had taken me captive and clouded my spirit.

All I needed was that sapling. It showed me just how beautiful earth is and beautiful I can be. All I needed was the right people around me and opportunities presented to me to help me grow strong. Being a sapling is hard work. Other plants try to take your nutrients and are often successful. Being a human being is hard work. Other people try to take away your happiness, your opportunities, your health, and your mind. Many of these people are successful, too. However, they don’t need to be. No one can steal your happiness because it’s yours. You are in control of who you become and the attitudes you hold. If that sapling relied on other trees to get his nutrients for him, he’d be one very dead little tree. If you rely on others to produce your happiness, you won’t find that you’re happy. If you find that you’re trying to suckle happiness from others, please know you can be much happier.

Life is beautiful. You are beautiful. Every individual who meets a beautiful person has the opportunity to become beautiful. You choose your own path in life. The injuries will fade, scars may be left behind, but the battle was worth it when you see how much stronger you became because of it. It may take a while. It might take a lifetime, but I hope you wake up each morning feeling good about who you are. You can change a lot throughout the day, just as the sky its changes colors. But you will always wake up to a new beginning, a new start, a new opportunity to be beautiful and make others around you feel beautiful, too.

“Beauty is vain. Saying that I am beautiful is wrong. I shouldn’t be able to brag about myself like that.” No, my darlings, beauty is not vain. Beauty is lovely. Be beautiful. Be yourself. Love yourself. Don’t let the world tell you who you must be and the ways that you can feel about yourself. It is not the clothes you wear, the car you drive, or the job you work that make you beautiful. Your spirit, your laughter, the joy you find in the small things in life, the silence in your head, the chaos in your heart…that’s what makes you beautiful.

The view from the mountainside became much more lovely. Suddenly, every tree had life, every flower had purpose, every rock helped hold up the soil around it, which in turn, held up the entire mountainside. Everything worked together in harmony to create life and beauty. That is was we should be. When we find our beauty, together, we can move mountains. We can support a growing world. We can become leaders of tomorrow. We can be one unit with many different moving parts, all functioning as a whole.

Life is messy. Life is dirty. Life is chaotic. But life is a beautiful chaos and I hope you find your beauty.