I’m not a real adult so here’s some pro tips I learned while in college.
- Your mom always has all the answers for everything you can ever possibly need. Did I stress that enough?
- If you spill wax on your carpet, don’t let your mom tell you to put ice on it. Just dab it with paper towels. When the wax dries, use your hair dryer to heat it back up and keep dabbing with paper towels.
- Buy good quality paper towels.
- You might think you wear all your clothes, and thus need to bring them all to college with you. You don’t. I just cleaned out my closet for the winter and I kept two flannels, two t-shirts, and like seven sweatshirts. That’s more than a weeks worth of clothes, so that’s really all a person needs.
- Always have a man with muscles nearby in case you get your desk stuck in your doorway.
- Invest in a small set of tools in case you need to remove your door to get the desk out, or take apart said desk: screwdriver (Phillip’s and a flathead), allen wrenches. (Mom, buy me a screwdriver for Christmas)
- Get your flu shot. Trust me. I’ve been sick for six weeks and I can’t get a flu shot until I’m no longer sick, which probably won’t happen. Why stop at six weeks?? Go for the whole semester!
- Complain to companies about their products and they WILL send you coupons for free products. #freedoritos
- Wash your towels and bedding. Wash your laundry in general. If it’s free to use the machines, go for once a week. Your room will smell better. Also, Wednesdays around 3 P.M. is the best time to start the laundry.
- You don’t need to waste so much money on alcohol you aren’t gonna drink. Plus, if you try to get drunk alone and eat pizza rolls, you might break out in hives and your entire head will be on fire and you’ll consider going to the E.R. at 2 A.M.
- Eat breakfast. You might forget your keys with your I.D. and debit card on it and not be able to eat all day.
- Become a rewards member at Little Caesar’s Pizza. If you buy 10 pizzas, you get one free. It’s the best $5.35 you’ll ever spend.
- Learn to use a flat-top grill. I am embarrassed at the number of people who asked me how to make a quesadilla on a flat-top. They literally didn’t know how to put a tortilla on a grill and put cheese in it. That’s a problem. Also, know how to cook an omelette. It looks more impressive than scrambled eggs.
- You’ll hit rock bottom at least once a week. Don’t worry about it. Eat pizza rolls.
- Wash your face and use moisturizer twice a day.
Learn these and put them to good use. You’ll thank me later.